Tell Your Fears, “ENOUGH! I Will Not Tolerate Your Torment”
Dealing with the cancer of a family member frequently brings up feelings of fear. Acknowledging your fears can empower you to befriend and manage them. If your fears remain buried, they will control you. The following exercise will help you to let your fears go. If you are feeling confident, you can probably do this on your own; otherwise you may want to consult with a professional coach or therapist for assistance.
- List everything you are fearful about in relation to your loved one’s cancer and its effect on you and your family. For example, loss of income, cancer relapse….include large, medium and small fears.
- Prioritize the list from most to least powerful fears. Working though the following steps could take an hour or many months. Go at your own pace.
Complete steps 3 through 5 for just one fear at a time.
- Beginning with your most powerful fear, ask yourself why it makes you fearful. What would happen if it came to be? Then ask yourself why you are afraid of this happening. For each answer to the question, “why?” ask “why?” again.
This will get to the root of the fear. For instance, if I am afraid of losing income because I think other people will no longer respect me, then I will ask myself, “Why would it be scary to lose their respect”, and so on until you can think of no more reasons for your fear.
- Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen if this fear materialized.” Let yourself experience how it would feel. Let out all of your feelings about such an occurrence. Give yourself time to fully experience the worst case scenario, until there is nothing else to feel. Then take a deep breath and fully relax your entire body. Allow your emotions to be lifted from you. You are letting go of an all powerful, overwhelming need to try to prevent this fear from becoming reality.
- Now, see yourself handling the fear without falling apart. For instance, if I am afraid of losing my home, I can check into emergency housing loans; if I am afraid of getting a new job, I can read some materials on-line to help me plan a job hunt, and so on. Say to yourself, “If that happened, I could move on from there. My entire life would not be ruined.”
This step alone may take days or weeks to complete. Your intention to manage each fear will be within your subconscious mind. The subconscious goes to work on anything you ask of it—this is your storehouse of creativity, inner resources for handling any problem. The process may be slow or fast, depending on how carefully you heed the messages of your inner resources.
The secret reward in this exercise is that once you have released the fear, you are no longer attracting it to yourself.
This is the “Law of Attraction” at work. What you focus on comes into your life. An intense need to keep something away from you will actually draw it to you. Releasing the fear of an event, you are no longer attracting it into your life.
I had a client who was afraid he would not be able to get out of debt; he worried about it all day—even while sleeping.
Even though he had some good ideas for increasing his income, he was frozen by fear—unable to accomplish anything. One day he told me, “I just suddenly went limp and said to my self, who cares if I go deeply in debt.
I don’t care anymore! I refuse to worry about it! If it happens, so be it.” And right after that, he began to implement each of his ideas, one by one. Within 2 months, he was half way out of debt, and firmly committed to earning all the money he needed.
In the process of this exercise of releasing your fears, you will begin to attract into your life the resources you need to deal with your own or a family member’s cancer. With fear out of the way, you will have space for the future—a future in which you can handle any circumstances that come your way— good, bad or indifferent.