It is a tremendous relief when you are told that your loved one’s cancer is gone. You’re elated that your lives can return to normal, but then find that normal does not quite exist any more. How does that come about, and what can you do about it?
Sometimes dreams do come true; hope bears fruit; prayers are answered. You are told that your loved one’s cancer is gone. He or she is cancer free. Both you and your loved one experience a sense of relief bordering on ecstasy. The doors to your futures have been reopened. You can once again dream, hope, plan, and do. You see life being full of opportunity; more promising. You are both, for the moment, optimists.
It will take a little time before you both confront the fact that life’s realities may be much the same as they were before cancer intruded. You may both have trouble accepting this fact. Both you and your loved one may have experienced a change in attitudes, and differing expectations on how the future should unfold. You may need to reassess your goals, and analyse your relationship. Some may find that their loved one easily returns to their former self, exhibiting the same interests and personality. Most, however, will witness a recognisable change in behavior.
Some cancer survivors turn outward, exhibiting a new zest for life. They feel physically born again, and pursue new experiences with exuberance. Other survivors may become more introspective or spiritual, seeking to expand their community of friends, and establish or re-establish relationships with family. Similar changes may take place in your personality and attitudes. These changes, yours or your loved one’s, can be difficult for the other to accept, particularly if they were looking forward to a return to the comfort and predictability of their life before cancer.
You, having been the devoted caregiver, may feel threatened or hurt, thinking that your loved one doesn’t appreciate the impact that his cancer has had on you; the effect it has had on your physical and mental well being. It is extremely important that you communicate your feelings to the cancer survivor to enable him of her to understand your feelings.
In situations like this it may be advisable to seek advice from a spiritual or lay counselor. If your relationship was rocky before cancer intruded, you may need to resolve those outstanding issues before you can envision your future relationship. On the other hand, if your relationship was supportive and loving before the cancer diagnosis, you most surely will learn to adjust to the new circumstances and move forward in a direction that is charted by both of you.
After the initial celebration of your loved one’s health and regardless of whichever attitude you and your loved one develop toward the future, there will be moments of apprehension that never really go away. You will both be reminded that cancer now lurks in both your lives. It becomes the elephant in the room. You both know that it could return, or a new cancer could intrude upon your lives.
Everyone, including those who have never had cancer, faces some probability of getting cancer. Your loved one’s probability of their cancer returning or of hosting a new cancer may be less than it would be for one who has never had cancer. The difference is that you can’t really measure that probability, and you and your loved one now perceive that probability to be higher, though no one really knows. At this time, your loved one is cancer free. Now is time to nurture your relationship, recognise that life is short and tentative, be optimistic, and enjoy both of your lives to the fullest.
Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your mind. Cancer has changed your life during the time of treatment. It has also changed your future. You want very much for your life and your relationship with your loved one to return to normal. Your life will again become normal, but it will be the new normal that you and your loved one create.

Recommended Reading

Their Cancer – Your Journey by Anne Orchard
A helpful guide for family members and friends on coping with practical and emotional issues

More information helpful with Cancer Remission.

Further Cancer Book Reviews