This year, consider letting go of perfection. You’ll have more time to share love & laughter.

Hurrying about to buy the perfect gifts, decorating your home like a page in Better Homes & Gardens, baking elaborate desserts, and cooking gourmet meals…do you need to do all of this when you are faced with the reality of your loved one’s cancer?

Think of some of the simple moments you’ve enjoyed during the holidays….seeing a child smile with glee when they meet Santa at the mall, hearing a carol that touches your heart, viewing the decorations in your neighborhood. These things require no preparation; they only require that you stop to enjoy the feelings, memories and meaning of this special time. Particularly, these moments that touch us are expressions of love, of our shared humanity. On the holiday, when all the shopping is done and most of the businesses and everyday activities come to a halt, listen to the quiet…..notice the lack of commotion in your neighborhood or city Just imagine all the millions of people who have the day off, who are sharing love, laughter, and a hard earned respite from the demands of daily life. This may be the most important thing of all on the holidays.

To relax and appreciate the inner magic of the holidays, use the following questions as a guide. You can par down the demands of the holidays to the bare minimum. In doing so, you may find this season to be the most enjoyable you have had in years.

1) Write down your answers to the following questions, with an opened mind, knowing that no one is suggesting you neglect anything that is deeply meaningful or pleasurable to you during the holidays:

• What is your favorite holiday memory?
• What are your least and most favorite traditions?
• Could you drop your least favorite traditions, or replace them with something else?
• If so, what new traditions would replace them?
• If children are involved, ask them what elements of the holiday are the most important to them.
• Ask other family members what holiday customs are their favorites. 
• If you could do anything, within reason, what would you do on the holiday

2) Circle the items from your answers above that are the most special to you and your family, which you definitely want to do. Give those items a second look—does anything seem less important when you reconsider it? If so, you may choose to omit it. Of the remaining items, which things on the list are within your limits of time and energy (realistically), and which could you delegate or alter so that they would require less time and effort? For example, if you always make table decorations, could you buy them instead?

Now you can look at the holidays with certain activities in mind, and schedule them to fit with the needs of the person who has cancer and everyone else. As you go about these activities, do them with a sense of “there-ness”. If you are making cookies, enjoy the process rather than rushing to get to the next item on your “to do list”. Ask children, relatives and others to help, explaining that everyone needs to pitch in to make the holiday the best ever—tell them you are not a miracle worker.

The holidays can increase a sense of loss or sadness for you and the person who has cancer. However, when you celebrate in the present, it can work just the opposite. Because cancer tends to magnify the preciousness of life, the whole family can appreciate the camaraderie and love you share in the here and now.