Book Review – End of Life

Dying is something we all have in common. It is a natural process, and yet more and more it is feared in our society. We have fought so hard against death that it seems we now regard the ending of life as a failure, rather than a time of peace.
Felicity Warner’s book addresses this issue. The beginning of the book looks at what a good death might be, and would be helpful to a person contemplating the end of their own life. The majority of the book, however, is of use to those around who have the opportunity to improve the experience of death both for the person going through the process and all the loving relatives and friends who will carry the memories created forward with them.
There is advice about the stages of dying, keeping vigil for the dying and the ‘tool kit’ of items which may be of use. In contrast to the medical tools which are designed to keep someone alive, these tools are gentle items such as a soft shawl or blanket.
This book uses concepts such as the soul, and some Eastern energy philosophy, so it would be helpful to have an open mind to such concepts in order to make the most use of the information.
This is a very supportive book which would be of great help to anyone in a close relationship with someone who is dying.

View Gentle Dying on Amazon US

For more cancer books, visit Cancer Book Review

Recommended Reading

Article Being Told the Cancer is Terminal
Article The Process of Death
Article Creating Your Own Funeral Service
Their Cancer – Your Journey by Anne Orchard

Further Resources

Felicity Warner’s Soul Midwives

There are two different scenarios in which you may be ‘told it’s terminal’. One is sort of by default, where the cancer is diagnosed but no treatment to cure is offered. The second is where much treatment has been tried, but it turns out to have been a losing battle, or where time has allowed the cancer to grow and damage the body beyond repair. At this point there is no further purpose in trying to get rid of the cancer. These two scenarios are in fact very different.
The first is the situation we found ourselves in when my mother was diagnosed with secondary brain tumours. Even then, I’m not sure anyone really spelled out at the beginning that this meant she was likely to die. That’s just not what they say. In any case the medical staff would certainly not have been able at that stage to answer the next big question – how long do we have together?
In fact they would have been as well not to answer. My friend’s sister, Fern, was also in this kind of situation. She was diagnosed, after much uncertainty and pain, with a tumour on her spine. Fern was told that the hospital could offer treatment, but it would only prolong her life for a short time. (The original projection for her life was two weeks.) Fern’s reaction was to demand the treatment – and she did the rest. She got better, raised her children and is still healthy today, over 20 years later.
This is why doctors are often reluctant to make predictions, because they know how easily they could be wrong. So even though it is frustrating not to have a crystal ball, you should regard this as a good thing. The uncertainty means that there are still possibilities – your loved one isn’t gone just because someone handed them a diagnosis. The uncertainty works in your favour.
The second scenario is more like the situation we were in when the Macmillan nurses finally said to my father and me, “You do know she will die very soon, now, don’t you?” Although of course we were not glad to lose her, there was a great feeling of relief. Finally someone had given us an indication of how much longer it would be. They were able to let us know that she would be gone in days rather than weeks, and in fact she lived about a week and a half after that day.
This may seem late to get some kind of a timescale, but I’m afraid that is the nature of the human body. It’s unpredictable, because the thoughts of the person living inside it determine so much of how it lives, and fades. There are people like Fern who simply won’t be told they’re going to die, and others who are expected to live for a few months, but slip away within weeks.
It is likely that you will not find out that you are in this second type of scene until the end is close at hand. Don’t be shocked and horrified if either you or others (including the cancer host) seem relieved. Being ill with cancer, or supporting someone else who is, can be just plain exhausting. If you’re told you can’t win, then it can be very peaceful to accept that this phase of life is ending, whether it’s your body that’s going to die or another’s.
If you reach this time it would be a good idea to visit www.soulmidwives.co.uk, and to talk to those who can ease your loved one’s passing. You can also explore our information on Bereavement and begin addressing your feelings about the loss to come.

This is an extract taken from ‘Their Cancer – Your Journey’ by Anne Orchard. To get your own copy of this book visit Their Cancer – Your Journey Book Information

Recommended Reading

Their Cancer – Your Journey by Anne Orchard

Further Resources

More Information on End of Life Issues

Information on Bereavement

Soul Midwives

Book Review – Cancer Help

This straightforward book provides the single best summing up of a healthy approach to a cancer diagnosis that I have seen. It covers the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of a return to health, and sums up wisdom gained from those who have recovered against the odds. The information is presented in short sections, each with an ‘important thing to do’, which makes it less overwhelming than some longer books. Clarifies why it is important for the person with cancer to feel in control of their treatment and health. May make a welcome gift for the person with cancer if they are looking for inspiration as to how to face their cancer.

For more cancer books, visit Cancer Book Review

View Cancer: 50 Essential Things to Do on Amazon US > ]]> http://familiesfacingcancer.org/50-essential/feed/ 0 http://familiesfacingcancer.org/virus/ http://familiesfacingcancer.org/virus/#comments Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:21:32 +0000 Anne Orchard http://familiesfacingcancer.org/?p=364 A virus is a microscopic organism which invades the cells of the body, causing an infection. The immune system will usually fight the virus effectively, unless it is not functioning well (for instance after chemotherapy). Some viruses are thought to lead to an increased risk of cancer developing – for instance the human papilloma virus (HPV) can give an increased risk of developing cervical cancer.

When someone in your family has cancer, how you feel can seem to pale into insignificance. Everything becomes about the person who is ill. If you were a machine, then you would feel totally neutral about the situation. None of us is built that way, though. We feel deeply, especially when something bad happens to those we care about. I’m glad humans are this way. I wouldn’t like to live in a world where nobody had regard for anyone else and how they were feeling.
Being made of flesh and blood (plus an active mind and a vivid imagination) brings its challenges, though. That imagination is where our feelings of stress come from. From fear and worry about the future. When you are dealing with what is happening in the present moment, there is no room for stress. You simply get on and cope with whatever is put before you.

Cancer Impact

Perhaps this is the first time someone close to you has had cancer, as it was for me when my mother was ill. In this case you may know little of what to expect, and this will almost certainly produce fears of the unknown.
On the other hand, you might have been in a similar situation before, in which case all the emotions you felt then will probably be re-triggered. The challenges you faced in the past become hurdles you expect to have to get over again, even though all cancers and all people are different and so the hurdles will be different too.
Either way, most of the stress you feel is to do with what you fear will happen tomorrow or after many tomorrows. This doesn’t make the stress any less real for you right now. There are ways to deal with that stress. The first is simply to notice how much of it is to do with what’s happening right now, and how much of it relates to what may or may not happen in the future. Mark Twain famously said “I’ve had thousands of problems in my life – most of which never actually happened.”

You can start your thinking about your loved one’s cancer by letting go of as many of those future issues as you can. This will give you some emotional respite, which will allow you then to cope better with the road ahead. To get a handle on your emotions, answer the following:

• How are you feeling about your loved one’s illness?
• What do you know about the situation?
• What do you want to know?
• What are your biggest worries or fears?

This process will allow the reality to sink in a little. It takes time to adjust to a change as big as this, but you can adjust – probably better than you could possibly imagine now. I often hear people say such things as “I just don’t know how he/she coped with that situation.” In fact when you have no choice, you can cope with the most extreme realities. Whatever the cancer impact on your family, acknowledging and dealing with your own stress can go a long way to reduce that impact.

This is an extract taken from ‘Their Cancer – Your Journey’ by Anne Orchard. To purchase a copy of this book visit Their Cancer – Your Journey Book Information

More information on Managing the Stress Associated with Cancer
More information on Emotional Issues
More information useful at Diagnosis

Book Review – Family Support

‘What can I do to help?’ is one of the first questions we want answered when someone we care about it ill. You can get answers, and lots of personal stories, from reading this book. I loved the light-hearted tone and straight talking from this book, and found I was fascinated by the details of how other people coped in this situation.

For more cancer books, visit Cancer Book Reviews

View What Can I Do To Help? on Amazon US >
  ]]> http://familiesfacingcancer.org/hutton-deborah-what-can-i-do-to-help/feed/ 2 http://familiesfacingcancer.org/alopecia/ http://familiesfacingcancer.org/alopecia/#comments Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:51:42 +0000 Anne Orchard http://familiesfacingcancer.org/?p=258 Alopecia is the medical term for loss of hair. In relation to cancer, we most commonly think of alopecia as hair loss from the head as a side-effect of chemotherapy. Chemotherapy does not always result in alopecia or hair loss, but when it does all hair on the body can be affected, including eyelashes, eyebrows and hair in the genital region. Sometimes a cold cap is used during chemotherapy sessions in order to lessen the likelihood of hair loss.
Radiotherapy can also result in alopecia, but only in the area affected directly by the radiation.
Alopecia can have a profound effect on the person’s self-image and may contribute to depression, or relationship difficulties. Some people choose to cut their hair very short in case they lose it as this may lessen the impact.

Book Review – Cancer Help

Anybody who feels that the right approach to treating cancer must be more than being passive and having treatments in hospital will be in tune with this book. It describes the holistic approach taken at Penny Brohn Cancer Care (formerly the Bristol Cancer Help Centre), and how people with cancer can take a more active approach to their illness. It also includes a chapter about how supporters are also affected, and how they can handle this.

For more cancer books, visit Cancer Book Reviews

View The Bristol Approach to Living with Cancer on Amazon.com

Cancer treatments can affect a person’s immune system and make them more prone to infection. This is especially true of chemotherapy. A person undergoing cancer treatment should take any signs of possible infection seriously and get them checked out and treated immediately. They include a raised temperature, redness or swelling of one area of the body, swollen glands or flu-like symptoms. Some complementary and alternative medicines or foods may be helpful in strengthening the immune system.

Release through humour

Humour is a wonderful way to defuse tension, and let go of emotions. Many people who have cancer develop a black sense of humour, and this allows them to deal with really tough times and emotions.
My friend Annette Shaw once supported her neighbour through cancer treatment. She described her experiences, writing in The Times. Trying to encourage her friend, Annette thought of telling her about the visualisation techniques where you see your white blood cells as soldiers attacking the cancer ‘invaders’. “Think of it as Custer’s Last Stand”, she concluded triumphantly. “Nette”, said her friend, “he lost!” The look of horror on Annette’s face provoked gales of laughter from her friend. The ice was broken, and humour kept them both going through many dark hours.
You too can find things to laugh about – even in the face of hardship. There is definitely a funny side to the indignities of cancer. Obviously I’m not inviting you to laugh at your loved one, but if they can find humour then respond. They may be longing for someone to be light-hearted around them. It’s hard to hold on to anger, fear and even despair if you are laughing.