Anger can erupt for many reasons. News of a debilitating illness like cancer can certainly bring about rage, particularly when the disease strikes someone who is in the prime of life. As a loved one and supporter of someone with cancer, we can feel anger on behalf of that person, but we just as often feel anger of our own. We feel robbed of time together, and we may even feel angry about the amount of time and effort we’ll be putting into the care and support of our loved one. Some of our anger may surprise us, and may overwhelm us, as well.

Dealing with anger effectively is a skill that many people never master. But, it is critical that you learn to deal with and let go of your anger so that you can focus on the cancer journey productively.

Anger is one of the most damaging of all emotions. We hear and read a lot about road rage, but anger can occur in many other situations. Feeling fury can be terrifying. You are convinced that the anger will consume you, and there will be nothing else left. When you are tired, stressed and worried, anger often arises more easily.
A long wait to pay at the shop can send you spiraling into a fury far beyond what is reasonable. I’m sure you’ve seen someone yelling at an assistant over some seemingly insignificant problem. Their anger is probably not much to do with the current issue; it’s more likely related to what kind of day they’ve had, or what kind of person they are.
Feeling anger is one level of problem, but the more important issue is what we do with it. Those shop assistants do not deserve the fury that’s being aimed at them, but they are on the receiving end of it. If you vent your anger at someone, you can’t take back the things you said – and that is dangerous. When you are angry, you can damage your relationships with those around you.
All these things mean that we are scared of feeling anger. We’re not good at dealing with it, as we have not been taught how to. Instead we tend to suppress those angry feelings, because this seems safer than allowing ourselves to feel that way. In fact what you are doing by suppressing anger is choosing to hang on to it. You may have heard the expression “What you resist, persists”, and so it is with those feelings of fury.
Of course I’m not recommending that you let it out and shout at people in shops, but there are many safer ways of expressing feelings – or even just dropping them. You can learn many ways in the book Their Cancer – Your Journey, or try one of the Calming Techniques listed in this article.
As you can see, feelings of anger must be dealt with. Suppression is unhealthy, but unleashing can be dangerous, particularly if your anger is directed at an undeserving bystander. It’s critical to work through your emotions in a healthy way, so that you can put anger to rest and focus positively on the future.

Recommended Reading

Their Cancer – Your Journey by Anne Orchard
A helpful guide for family members and friends on coping with practical and emotional issues

More information helpful with Emotional Issues.

Further Cancer Book Reviews