When someone you love faces cancer, having a good plan is absolutely essential

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Failing to plan is planning to fail; this is a tenet of all self-help methods, in one form or another. Without a plan, you are at the whim of every passing mood, all the ups and downs of your loved one’s illness, and the attitudes of the people around you and the society at large—attitudes which may leave a lot to be desired. A Cancer Success Plan may be a grand-sounding document, but actually it can be as simple or as fancy as you like. It can be something you create with the person who has cancer, or just for your own use. It can be anything from a computer file to an enormous binder stuffed with vast reams of information.
In other words, you get to choose. You are in complete control of this, whereas you can’t control what cancer is doing to the human body. It is likely that you won’t have all the information at the beginning, but creating the plan gives you somewhere to put information as you get it. What should you put in this marvelous resource you are going to create? Well, it will be as individual as you, but here are some suggestions for sections you may want to include:

1. What success is to you – This is particularly important, and it will depend on the realities of the cancer diagnosis. For instance if the cancer is terminal, success could include a peaceful death and getting bereavement support (see Defining Success In Your Cancer Journey, from Their Cancer – Your Journey, by Anne Orchard for a fuller explanation). Don’t skip this section.
2. Where you are now – What the current situation is with your loved one’s health, your home life, your stress levels and anything else that is relevant.
3. Taking care of yourself – A list of things and activities to make you feel good, or lower your stress level.
4. Information on specific cancer – You will probably want to include specific information about the type of cancer your loved one has.
5. Treatment plan and record – What has been suggested, what the person with cancer has agreed to. What treatments they have been given and what effect those have had.
6. Support groups and therapies – Information you gather about support groups, organisations and complementary therapies for yourself as well as your loved one.
7. Positive activities to share – Don’t forget to make time to do something fun together. Make it realistic for your loved one, but enough fun to be worthwhile.
8. Help that has been offered – When friends and family offer to help, get a specific commitment and make a record of it.
9. Contingency – These are resources you may never need, but may call on if necessary.

There is one other thing I think would be immensely useful in your plan, and that is to lose the Victim Label. In order to assist you in thinking of your loved one as a whole and healthy person, I suggest you include a photograph of them. Choose one that you feel shows their best qualities: your favorite photograph of them. You may think that this will only remind you of what has currently been lost, but I maintain that it is not lost. That is still the person they are. Every time you look at the picture, let go of any regret you feel and tell yourself that this is still the person you love.
Your Cancer Success Plan can be revised and added to as you go, but will be your blueprint for the journey. Keep it with you and refer to it every day. When the going gets tough, you can use it as your instructions and road map.

Recommended Reading

Their Cancer – Your Journey by Anne Orchard
A helpful guide for family members and friends on coping with practical and emotional issues

More information helpful with Planning and Research.

Further Cancer Book Reviews