Allowing for your own needs helps the person with cancer as much as it helps you.

When a family member faces cancer, your whole family is facing it with him or her. If you have not yet acknowledged that caring for yourself at this time is just as important as attending to the person who has cancer, calming is a good way to begin allowing for your needs. A serene demeanor can be of great comfort to you, your family, and the person who is ill. You are probably holding an immense amount of physical tension in your body. You need to find ways to release it so that you don’t suffer ill effects.
Calming techniques vary widely, but all serve the same purpose. You could read the book Calm For Life by Paul Wilson. It will help you to find a practical technique that particularly suits you. If you need something more direct and personal, you could join a meditation group or use a meditation CD. Yoga is also very beneficial, or there may be specific relaxation classes local to you.
Another technique is the Sedona Method: It is absolutely one of the best methods of dealing directly with your own emotions that I have ever come across. You don’t need to believe anything in particular. You don’t have to have a therapist to help you. You can do it with your eyes open, your clothes on, and even in a crowded room. It is so easy that everyone can learn it, but you could practise it for a lifetime.
Lester Levenson developed this simple and easy method for his own use. It is now taught by Hale Dwoskin (who you may have seen in the film The Secret), and Sedona Training Associates. The Sedona Method is based on the principle that as children we naturally let go of emotions and let them pass through us. I was once told that the definition of emotion was energy in motion. But we have learned to hold on to our feelings, stop the movement, and that is what keeps us stuck. The Sedona Method is a series of questions that helps you remember how to let go of emotions in order to uncover the underlying peace you have at your core. You can find out more about the Sedona Method at www.sedona.com.
It is also calming to sit or walk in a garden or park. Many people have shrunk their problems to a manageable size whilst tramping out on a long hike. A walk or hike is a good time to reflect on which of these calming techniques you plan to try. After learning these techniques, the next step is remembering to use them! I was good at using relaxation techniques and visualisation when I was giving birth and had nothing else to do, but when my kids are pushing my buttons my relaxation techniques are the last thing on my mind. It may help to set aside a specific time each day for some calming time for you. Make it an appointment with yourself. The more you practise the techniques you have chosen in your own time, the easier it will come to hand when you most need it.
Remember, it is essential that each family member care for themselves as well as the person who has cancer—If you are tense and negative, you will not be of much comfort to anyone. Your more serene self will be an excellent role model, and you may even share your calming techniques, although that is not the central purpose—it is about you taking care of you.

Recommended Reading

Their Cancer – Your Journey by Anne Orchard
A helpful guide for family members and friends on coping with practical and emotional issues

Calm for Life by Paul Wilson
A useful guide to finding the best calming technique that works for you

The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin
Work directly on letting go of difficult feelings to help you function

More information helpful with Emotional Issues.

Further Cancer Book Reviews

Further Resources

Mindfulness Meditation
Download a free mindfulness meditation (approx 10 minutes) to play on your computer

The Sedona Method website