Bringing a loved one with cancer into your home can be daunting – physically and mentally exhausting, but it can also be a great gift to both of you.
Those with cancer are hospitalised only during the acute phases of their disease when professional treatment management or intensive medical intervention is required. When such care becomes unnecessary or is no longer effective, the person with cancer is released to home or hospice care, returning to the hospital only for outpatient care and treatment. If your loved one is released from the hospital without requiring continuous medical care, and you have the time and resources, you may decide to care for him or her in your home.
The demands that will be placed upon you depend upon whether the person with cancer is a member of your close family who normally lives with you or a friend or member of your extended family who will come to live with you for the first time. The demands placed upon you will be further impacted by whether they are released into your care to recuperate while in remission, or to die.
If the person is a spouse, child, friend, or family member who is in remission and in improving health, your role may be little more than supervisory; supporting them in eating well, being comfortable, and taking all their prescribed medications. You may find yourself being more of a companion and chauffer. In all cases, however, you will find that you must make adjustments in your routine about your home.
If it is your spouse or child, his or her return is natural and unobtrusive, and your routine may be quite normal with the exception of occasional trips to the hospital outpatient for checkups or maintenance treatments. If you spouse or child has difficulty sleeping, it may be necessary, as with a friend or extended family member, to arrange separate, but comfortably homey, sleeping arrangements in another room.
It the person with cancer has been diagnosed as terminal and requires more constant care, it may be necessary to make major adjustments in the arrangement of your home and in your routine. The care of a very ill person can be extremely demanding. You are both going to pass through a difficult period of adjustment as you get used to a new sometimes awkward routine. It may be necessary to reconfigure a bedroom or other large room for convalescent care. You may have to rent a hospital bed, a portable toilet, and other equipment.
When it is necessary to rearrange your home, it is equally important that you find or create a personal haven somewhere in your home where you can get away from your care giving responsibilities, where you can relax, meditate, practice a hobby, quietly read, or even cry to relieve your accumulated stress.
Set up rules, early on, for visitors to you and your loved one. During this time people will come to you home for one of two reasons: to help or to visit. Be firm. Let it be known that you appreciate any help that you can get. Place limits on visits to the person with cancer – in consultation with them if possible. Set up visiting hours, or insist upon a call before a visit to ensure that you and your loved one are up to it.
Where possible, draft relatives and friends to help you care for your loved one, and to relieve you temporarily so you can attend to your own household tasks, and find time for yourself alone. Check with area hospices, where it is often possible to bring a loved one for a day or a week when necessary, to provide you with a quiet vacation or some mental health time.
Remember, being able to stay with a friend or family member is a great gift for someone with cancer, especially if it is to spend his or her final days, and you are showing great love and kindness to provide that comfort. But, don’t forget about your own health and needs. Your normal routine may be on hold during this time, but your life isn’t. Structure your time to provide for your needs. Seek out to a support network to help you survive this trying time both physically and mentally intact, and to help you to prepare for the changes in your life when your loved one is no longer with you.
Death in the old movies usually occurred in the family home where the person dying is surrounded by loving family and friends. I think that many of us would like to spend our final days in the comfort of familiar voices and surroundings. Being cared for at the home of a loved one is a great gift to both the patient and the caregiver.

Recommended Reading

Their Cancer – Your Journey by Anne Orchard
A helpful guide for family members and friends on coping with practical and emotional issues

The Selfish Pig’s Guide to Caring by Hugh Marriott
Especially helpful to those caring for a spouse at home.

More information helpful with Practical Issues.

Further Cancer Book Reviews