» Families Facing Cancer – Helping carers to cope with cancer

Cancer Can Be Scary, but You Can Manage Your Fears

Anne Orchard — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 09:48:09 +0000

Tell Your Fears, “ENOUGH! I Will Not Tolerate Your Torment”

Dealing with the cancer of a family member frequently brings up feelings of fear. Acknowledging your fears can empower you to befriend and manage them. If your fears remain buried, they will control you. The following exercise will help you to let your fears go. If you are feeling confident, you can probably do this on your own; otherwise you may want to consult with a professional coach or therapist for assistance.

1. List everything you are fearful about in relation to your loved one’s cancer and its effect on you and your family. For example, loss of income, cancer relapse….include large, medium and small fears.

2. Prioritize the list from most to least powerful fears. Working though the following steps could take an hour or many months. Go at your own pace.

Complete steps 3 through 5 for just one fear at a time.

3. Beginning with your most powerful fear, ask yourself why it makes you fearful. What would happen if it came to be? Then ask yourself why you are afraid of this happening. For each answer to the question, “why?” ask “why?” again. This will get to the root of the fear. For instance, if I am afraid of losing income because I think other people will no longer respect me, then I will ask myself, “Why would it be scary to lose their respect”, and so on until you can think of no more reasons for your fear.

4. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen if this fear materialized.” Let yourself experience how it would feel. Let out all of your feelings about such an occurrence. Give yourself time to fully experience the worst case scenario, until there is nothing else to feel. Then take a deep breath and fully relax your entire body. Allow your emotions to be lifted from you. You are letting go of an all powerful, overwhelming need to try to prevent this fear from becoming reality.

5. Now, see yourself handling the fear without falling apart. For instance, if I am afraid of losing my home, I can check into emergency housing loans; if I am afraid of getting a new job, I can read some materials on-line to help me plan a job hunt, and so on. Say to yourself, “If that happened, I could move on from there. My entire life would not be ruined.”

This step alone may take days or weeks to complete. Your intention to manage each fear will be within your subconscious mind. The subconscious goes to work on anything you ask of it—this is your storehouse of creativity, inner resources for handling any problem. The process may be slow or fast, depending on how carefully you heed the messages of your inner resources.
The secret reward in this exercise is that once you have released the fear, you are no longer attracting it to yourself. This is the “Law of Attraction” at work. What you focus on comes into your life. An intense need to keep something away from you will actually draw it to you. Releasing the fear of an event, you are no longer attracting it into your life.
I had a client who was afraid he would not be able to get out of debt; he worried about it all day—even while sleeping. Even though he had some good ideas for increasing his income, he was frozen by fear—unable to accomplish anything. One day he told me, “I just suddenly went limp and said to my self, who cares if I go deeply in debt. I don’t care anymore! I refuse to worry about it! If it happens, so be it.” And right after that, he began to implement each of his ideas, one by one. Within 2 months, he was half way out of debt, and firmly committed to earning all the money he needed.
In the process of this exercise of releasing your fears, you will begin to attract into your life the resources you need to deal with your own or a family member’s cancer. With fear out of the way, you will have space for the future—a future in which you can handle any circumstances that come your way— good, bad or indifferent.

Endometrial Cancer

Anne Orchard — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 09:24:06 +0000

Endometrial Cancer is one form of uterine cancer (cancer of the womb). In endometrial cancer a tumour forms from the endometrium (lining of the womb). Most endometrial cancers are carcinomas. The usual treatment for endometrial cancer is a hysterectomy (surgical removal of the uterus). Further treatment depends on the stage and grade of the cancer.

Back to Cancer Words E

Back to Cancer Words Explained

Endometrium

Anne Orchard — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 09:13:51 +0000

The endometrium is the lining of a woman’s uterus (womb). The endometrium grows and is shed as part of a woman’s menstrual cycle.

Back to Cancer Words E

Back to Cancer Words Explained

Losing a Sibling or Friend to Cancer

Anne Orchard — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 11:22:28 +0000

Losing a brother, sister, or friend often has greater long-term emotional impact than the loss of a loved one from another generation. The sibling or friend is more likely to have been part of your social and support network. Their loss can often cause a redirection of your life.
On the surface the loss of a sibling or friend may seem a ‘lesser’ trauma than the death of a partner or a parent. However, it depends on your relationship, and there are other factors involved here. It has often been said that we can choose our friends, but not our family. So the loss of a friend involves the disappearance of someone you spent time with because you wanted to. You may have spent the time of your friend’s illness feeling at a loss as to how to help, and wished you had been able to do more. You may also be involved with supporting other loved ones – a partner or child who has been bereaved for instance.
It may seem difficult to address your own grief, as you busy yourself caring for others. In this case, check to see that you are taking care of your own needs – which are just as valid as those of the people that society may regard as ‘closer’ to the deceased. Look over the stages of grief and tasks of mourning described here. Some or all of these will apply to you too. By all means offer your support to others, as long as you are looking after yourself and your own mourning too.
It may also be that your friend was part of your support network. If so you will have to take a look at that. You may find you now become closer to other friends, or to family. You may have to rely more on your own ingenuity. If you can stay open, caring and giving, you will be able to build new supports for the future.
Losing a sibling changes the energy in your family. If this is the first of your generation to die, it may seem a death knell for you all. Who will be next? If you are the only remaining sibling, you may feel you are now on borrowed time. Confronting our own mortality can be scary, if we let it. Or it can be liberating.
A colleague, John, once asked for my advice and support when his sister was dying of cancer, knowing about my history with my mother. This lady was only in her early forties. John’s sharing of his experience gave me food for thought. It left me with the phrase “Life is just too short – at least try to find what you want” drifting through my mind. What I wanted was a relationship with a wonderful man – to whom I have now been married for eleven years. That experience of staring reality (even though someone else’s) in the face changed my whole life!
If you have lost a brother or sister, you may find that there are unresolved conflicts still in your family. Immediately after someone dies, emotions may be running high. It would be wise to give everyone the benefit of the doubt at this time, and let the dust settle a little. You do have an opportunity to reach out to other family members.
Remember that being loved is one of our most sought after experiences as human beings, and that we gain love best by giving it away.
The death of a friend or a sibling is devastating. Not only do you grieve for the loss of a loved one, you also grieve for the loss of your mutual hopes and plans. Their death may present you with new obligations and responsibilities. Remember them with fondness, and try to build a closer bond with other siblings and mutual friends that share your grief and sense of loss.

Cervical Cancer

Anne Orchard — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 09:39:56 +0000

Cervical cancer is where a tumour forms on the cervix or neck of the womb. This may be on the outside of the cervix where it can be felt at the top of the vagina, or inside the opening to the womb. Cervical cancer is much less common than it was due to the cervical screening programs which are in operation in many parts of the world. Abnormalities found as a result of smear tests are normally precancerous changes which can be treated before cervical cancer develops. When cervical cancer is found it is normally treated by surgery combined with either radiotherapy or chemotherapy.

Cervix

Anne Orchard — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 09:38:37 +0000

The cervix is also known as the neck of the womb. It is found at the top of a woman’s vagina, and is the entrance to the uterus, which contains the baby during pregnancy. The cervix is examined during a smear test, and cervix cells taken for analysis (this is not painful and does not cause any harm). If abnormal cells are found on a smear test this does not necessarily mean that cervical cancer is present

Back to Cancer Words C

Back to Cancer Words Explained

Cancer In Remission—A Journey’s End

Anne Orchard — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 10:18:13 +0000

After recovery from cancer, there is cause to celebrate, but it may be challenging to get back to “a normal life”.

How do you feel about your loved one’s recovery from Cancer? Are you jubilant, or do you feel strangely numb? You may be overjoyed, or feel dead inside and wonder what’s wrong with you. When a large part of your life has been focused on someone else’s illness and that’s gone, you can have mixed feelings. On the one hand it’s great that the cancer isn’t hanging over you all, but on the other there is now a gap in your life. If it is this way for you, don’t worry about it. Just as it takes time to adjust to a new reality after diagnosis, it can also do so now. It’s like you’ve worn a rut in your mind on a path that says “my friend/relative has cancer”. That path of thought is now a habit. Like all habits, you can change it, but it will take time.
One way to change that habit is to make sure you mark this occasion. It’s not enough to visit the hospital and be told ‘the scan was clear’ – or even more distantly, to hear about it on the phone. It’s important to celebrate this new phase and the hope for the future it brings.
If you’re close to the person who has recovered from cancer, you may want to do this with them. Your loved one may want to throw a ‘recovery party’, and if so I hope you join in with gusto. On the other hand they may feel that it’s tempting fate; that if they count on their health then somehow it will be more likely to be taken away from them. In this case I hope that your loved one is at least able to feel grateful that they have made it to this point, as that feeling of gratitude will help them.
So what do you do if your loved one just wants to ignore the whole issue of cancer or remission – pretend it never happened? Well, you could always celebrate by yourself. Raise a glass to them, and toast their future health. Or you could create some kind of a ritual – perhaps laying your Cancer Success Plan away, or even burning it, with .thanks for the support it gave you.
Maybe the thought of burning your Plan terrifies you. What if the cancer comes back? Is this what you are secretly expecting? If so, take a good long look at where that thought is coming from. Address your deepest fears using the skills you have learned. My belief is that the Plan has done its work and you should let it go. If you were to face another journey with cancer, you would create a new one anyway. Your definition of success, your starting point and your inner self would all be different. You could find the same resources again if you needed to, anyway – after all you now know where to look.
Now is a good time to take inventory of the growth that has resulted from your journey with cancer; give yourself credit for your courage and strength. From the vantage point of a wiser, more insightful person, you can write a new Life Plan. Your Cancer Success Plan was adapted to the needs of that time—your Life Plan will utilize the time and energy that is no longer devoted to the illness of your loved one. This is a turning point—a springboard from which to reclaim dreams long deferred. Some never reach a turning point—they miss the opportunity to decide what they want in life. Now is the perfect time for you to generate a plan that aligns with your deepest purpose—your life’s mission.

Hysterectomy

Anne Orchard — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 14:12:33 +0000

A hysterectomy is the surgical removal of a woman’s uterus (womb). When a hysterectomy is carried out as a result of a cancer diagnosis there are different types of operation, depending on where the cancer is situated and how far it has progressed. If the ovaries are removed during the cancer hysterectomy then the woman will have a medical menopause, as their body will no longer be producing female hormones (oestrogen and progesterone).

Further Resources

The Hysterectomy Acsociation. Provides detailed information on hysterectomy including preparation and recovery. Active forums where you can ‘meet’ others undergoing similar treatment.

Back to Cancer Words H

Back to Cancer Words Explained

Cancer Caregivers Must Make Difficult Decisions

Anne Orchard — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 10:16:05 +0000

During the course of your loved one’s fight with cancer you may be required to help them decide on a course of treatment. There may be times when you alone must decide what action should be taken. This can be a complex, burdensome responsibility that I have addressed in my book Their Cancer – Your Journey:
There may be times during your loved one’s treatment when you are asked to make some difficult decisions. Should they even be told they have cancer – particularly if they are either very young or elderly and confused? Should the cancer host be resuscitated if they have a heart attack? Nobody wants to be put in the position of making this sort of decision, but it is possible that this may fall to you. How do you handle it? Ideally you won’t have to do it on your own. If you can discuss the matter with others who are affected, it should be easier to make the decision, unless there is a real difference of opinion.
First of all it’s important to look at what is the ‘default position’. What is being done while the decision is being made? In the examples I gave above, the default would probably be not to tell them in the first, and to resuscitate them in the second.
My view is that wherever possible the person with cancer should be the one to make the decision, though there is nothing wrong with a supportive family discussion. This means that even if the medical team is worried about telling your loved one something about their condition, you at least talk over the subject with the person who it ill. If they really don’t want to know, they will probably change the subject or just plain not hear you – and then they will have made that decision. But if your loved one wants to know, then they have a right to.
Many people have been told they were dying, and used this as an opportunity to find a sense of peace – possibly one that has escaped them all their life. Why deny them that? You won’t go far wrong if you stick to the principle you’ve been using already of talking things through and accepting that the cancer host is the master of their own ship.
Audrey Jenkinson, in her book Past Caring, describes how her mother expressed quite definitely that she did not want to be kept alive, or resuscitated. She was perfectly able to make that decision even though communicating it was difficult. It proved hard to honour that request, as medical staff will always try to revive someone unless they know expressly not to.
In reality this means that when someone is admitted to hospital as an emergency, there will be no time to take ethical decisions. One person at death’s door looks much like another and the emergency team will not have the information they need unless they are given it. So if your loved one has expressed their wish to go out gracefully, you will need to make sure everyone knows. It may mean you have to be with them on your own when they die, if you are caring for them at home.
If your loved one has gone past the point of being able to make their own decisions, and it is just a matter of time, don’t be afraid to talk over what treatment they are being given with their medical team. Keeping their body in this world as long as possible is the remit we have given to our health services, but it may no longer be the approach that serves this person best. Of course, in order to take these or other difficult decisions, you have to be prepared to let your loved one go.
Extracted from Their Cancer – Your Journey ©2008 Anne Orchard
Many factors affect the cancer patient’s ability to make decisions regarding their own treatment. Mood, age, personality, and progress of the disease are but a few. It is important that you know as much as possible about their current prognosis and the available treatment options to enable you to give sound advice or to make critical decisions when necessary.

DCIS – Ductal Carcinoma In Situ

Anne Orchard — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 14:13:01 +0000

DCIS – or Ductal Carcinoma In Situ is a type of non-invasive breast cancer. Cancer DCIS forms within the milk ducts inside the breast, and can be seen on a mammogram. If left untreated, ductal carcinoma in situ may develop into invasive breast cancer, though some cases may go back to normal without any treatment. Normal treatment would include a lumpectomy, possibly with additional radiotherapy, though in some cases a mastectomy may be carried out.

Back to Cancer Words D

Back to Cancer Words Explained

» Families Facing Cancer – Helping carers to cope with cancer

Cancer Can Be Scary, but You Can Manage Your Fears

Tell Your Fears, “ENOUGH! I Will Not Tolerate Your Torment”

Recommended Reading

Endometrial Cancer

Endometrium

Losing a Sibling or Friend to Cancer

Recommended Reading

Cervical Cancer

Recommended Reading

Cervix

Cancer In Remission—A Journey’s End

After recovery from cancer, there is cause to celebrate, but it may be challenging to get back to “a normal life”.

Recommended Reading

Hysterectomy

Further Resources

Cancer Caregivers Must Make Difficult Decisions

Recommended Reading

DCIS – Ductal Carcinoma In Situ